Comments on: I don’t know what to do about my parents and me? http://ilovethewashingtoncoast.com/washington-coast-vacations/i-dont-know-what-to-do-about-my-parents-and-me Enjoy the beach, cliffs and forests. Mon, 21 May 2012 00:10:52 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5.1 By: xping49 http://ilovethewashingtoncoast.com/washington-coast-vacations/i-dont-know-what-to-do-about-my-parents-and-me#comment-1660 xping49 Mon, 15 Feb 2010 04:45:53 +0000 http://ilovethewashingtoncoast.com/washington-coast-vacations/i-dont-know-what-to-do-about-my-parents-and-me#comment-1660 I'm 54 years old. Parents from my generation were much like you describe yours - their duty was to keep a kid alive, period. There wasn't much nurturing or bonding going on. They loved us, but they weren't inclined to show it much. In more recent generations, many (not all) parents figured out that it was important to bond with their children, to nurture and encourage them, to give them lots of opportunities to cultivate their strengths and explore the world. If your parents were of the first type (and it sounds like they are), you pretty much aren't going to change them at this point. I know you have a lot of resentment toward them (and rightly so) but try to accept them and love them for who they are, even with their faults. I'm sure they love you, even though they're not terribly engaged in your life. Meanwhile, you're 17... nearly an adult, and will soon be out on your own. The good thing about that is, there's a whole big world out there and a lot of good, bad, and interesting people in it. It's your time to discover yourself and the world around you! This can be your personal adventure to learn about yourself, with questions like "Who am I? What do I want to be / do / have? What am I good / bad at? What's important to me?" Read books, watch uplifting movies, try kayaking, skydiving, music lessons, team sports, travel, invest in the stock market... you get the idea. Whatever "speaks" to you... and see where that takes you. You don't actually need to do ALL those things, just do something. And keep trying things (positive things, not drugs, cigs and alcohol... those roads go nowhere) until you find your path. If you are headed for college, that's great! If not, that's okay too. You won't find the answers overnight, but you will eventually. Another thought: Sometimes we have to "make" our own families - and by that I mean re-defining "family" as whatever we want. My "family" consists of some really good friends that I love and can trust. You may be a late bloomer in some ways because of lack of parental involvement, but it can be a fun journey, and sometimes hard too, but it'll be YOUR journey and you'll value it that much more because you did it yourself. Best of luck to you. :)<br><b>References : </b><br> I’m 54 years old. Parents from my generation were much like you describe yours - their duty was to keep a kid alive, period. There wasn’t much nurturing or bonding going on. They loved us, but they weren’t inclined to show it much.

In more recent generations, many (not all) parents figured out that it was important to bond with their children, to nurture and encourage them, to give them lots of opportunities to cultivate their strengths and explore the world.

If your parents were of the first type (and it sounds like they are), you pretty much aren’t going to change them at this point. I know you have a lot of resentment toward them (and rightly so) but try to accept them and love them for who they are, even with their faults. I’m sure they love you, even though they’re not terribly engaged in your life.

Meanwhile, you’re 17… nearly an adult, and will soon be out on your own. The good thing about that is, there’s a whole big world out there and a lot of good, bad, and interesting people in it. It’s your time to discover yourself and the world around you! This can be your personal adventure to learn about yourself, with questions like "Who am I? What do I want to be / do / have? What am I good / bad at? What’s important to me?"

Read books, watch uplifting movies, try kayaking, skydiving, music lessons, team sports, travel, invest in the stock market… you get the idea. Whatever "speaks" to you… and see where that takes you. You don’t actually need to do ALL those things, just do something. And keep trying things (positive things, not drugs, cigs and alcohol… those roads go nowhere) until you find your path. If you are headed for college, that’s great! If not, that’s okay too. You won’t find the answers overnight, but you will eventually.

Another thought: Sometimes we have to "make" our own families - and by that I mean re-defining "family" as whatever we want. My "family" consists of some really good friends that I love and can trust.

You may be a late bloomer in some ways because of lack of parental involvement, but it can be a fun journey, and sometimes hard too, but it’ll be YOUR journey and you’ll value it that much more because you did it yourself.

Best of luck to you. :)
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]]> By: avavu http://ilovethewashingtoncoast.com/washington-coast-vacations/i-dont-know-what-to-do-about-my-parents-and-me#comment-1659 avavu Mon, 15 Feb 2010 04:39:54 +0000 http://ilovethewashingtoncoast.com/washington-coast-vacations/i-dont-know-what-to-do-about-my-parents-and-me#comment-1659 I am very sorry that you feel that way.Parenting is the hardest thing ever.As a parent sometimes i am very confused myself.Not everyone knows what to do,how to do or when to do things when it comes to our kids.About your vacations and trips,it sounds like your parents are very careful about spending money.About the rest ,the way you feel ............have you tried to talk to them.It seems like you guys are disconnected,cold and careless towards each other and it only bothers you.You have to talk to them,let them know how you feel.I am sure they love you.It's not you.I know this from my experience with my kids and my husband.They are younger 7 and 5.My husband doesn't spend a lot of time with them.He thinks kids are suppose to do their own thing in their room.He'll play with them once in a blue moon.We do go out and vacations and stuff.But my kids get distant from him.I know he loves them very very much,it's just the way he was raised and he is doing the same to our kids.Try planning things with them,try talking and doing things with your dad.Ask him to go to fishing or camping with you.Slowly get him to do things with you,see how it goes.If not just learn from their mistakes,think of it as a life lesson.<br><b>References : </b><br> I am very sorry that you feel that way.Parenting is the hardest thing ever.As a parent sometimes i am very confused myself.Not everyone knows what to do,how to do or when to do things when it comes to our kids.About your vacations and trips,it sounds like your parents are very careful about spending money.About the rest ,the way you feel …………have you tried to talk to them.It seems like you guys are disconnected,cold and careless towards each other and it only bothers you.You have to talk to them,let them know how you feel.I am sure they love you.It’s not you.I know this from my experience with my kids and my husband.They are younger 7 and 5.My husband doesn’t spend a lot of time with them.He thinks kids are suppose to do their own thing in their room.He’ll play with them once in a blue moon.We do go out and vacations and stuff.But my kids get distant from him.I know he loves them very very much,it’s just the way he was raised and he is doing the same to our kids.Try planning things with them,try talking and doing things with your dad.Ask him to go to fishing or camping with you.Slowly get him to do things with you,see how it goes.If not just learn from their mistakes,think of it as a life lesson.
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]]> By: Paris http://ilovethewashingtoncoast.com/washington-coast-vacations/i-dont-know-what-to-do-about-my-parents-and-me#comment-1658 Paris Mon, 15 Feb 2010 04:21:36 +0000 http://ilovethewashingtoncoast.com/washington-coast-vacations/i-dont-know-what-to-do-about-my-parents-and-me#comment-1658 I understand your angst and your anger, growing up, the only place we went to was Puerto Rico and since we were raised in the states and didn't know spanish that well, it was the same old boring vacations for us. It wasn't until I turned 21, that I realized that I had a job and can do those things for myself without my parents. I made friends with 2 other girls and the summer of age 24, I brought my first car....we went everywhere in that car. It was a 5 yr lease with no more then 100k miles allowed, we put in 90k in the first year alone driving up and down the east coast, we had so much fun. The thing with parents is that after a certain age, traveling becomes a chore. They become settled and leaving their home doesn't appealed to them anymore. There's nothing wrong with that, what you need to do is find a part time job and a few good friends (with the same interest) and go on those vacations yourself. Look, in another year, you will be of legal age, they are no longer even obligated to put you through college, so get better grades in school, find an away from home college, find another part time job there or save up for a car...from here on out, its pretty much up to you to see the world. I still travel alot and my cousins and I take the kids everywhere with us, but its expensive traveling with kids who don't pay half fare or sit on your lap...but we sacrifice, even taking the kids friends with us at times (if its a roadtrip) and that's what you have to do. Depend on yourself to give yourself the things you need.<br><b>References : </b><br> I understand your angst and your anger, growing up, the only place we went to was Puerto Rico and since we were raised in the states and didn’t know spanish that well, it was the same old boring vacations for us. It wasn’t until I turned 21, that I realized that I had a job and can do those things for myself without my parents. I made friends with 2 other girls and the summer of age 24, I brought my first car….we went everywhere in that car. It was a 5 yr lease with no more then 100k miles allowed, we put in 90k in the first year alone driving up and down the east coast, we had so much fun. The thing with parents is that after a certain age, traveling becomes a chore. They become settled and leaving their home doesn’t appealed to them anymore. There’s nothing wrong with that, what you need to do is find a part time job and a few good friends (with the same interest) and go on those vacations yourself. Look, in another year, you will be of legal age, they are no longer even obligated to put you through college, so get better grades in school, find an away from home college, find another part time job there or save up for a car…from here on out, its pretty much up to you to see the world. I still travel alot and my cousins and I take the kids everywhere with us, but its expensive traveling with kids who don’t pay half fare or sit on your lap…but we sacrifice, even taking the kids friends with us at times (if its a roadtrip) and that’s what you have to do. Depend on yourself to give yourself the things you need.
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]]> By: crystal http://ilovethewashingtoncoast.com/washington-coast-vacations/i-dont-know-what-to-do-about-my-parents-and-me#comment-1657 crystal Mon, 15 Feb 2010 04:13:45 +0000 http://ilovethewashingtoncoast.com/washington-coast-vacations/i-dont-know-what-to-do-about-my-parents-and-me#comment-1657 If you were a little girl I might understand but as a almost adult talking this way it sounds like you have been spoiled<br><b>References : </b><br> If you were a little girl I might understand but as a almost adult talking this way it sounds like you have been spoiled
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]]> By: neha http://ilovethewashingtoncoast.com/washington-coast-vacations/i-dont-know-what-to-do-about-my-parents-and-me#comment-1656 neha Mon, 15 Feb 2010 03:59:49 +0000 http://ilovethewashingtoncoast.com/washington-coast-vacations/i-dont-know-what-to-do-about-my-parents-and-me#comment-1656 its not necessary that every one have same sets of interest. you n yr dad must have opposite sets of interest so may b u both r not comfortable with each other. so stop calling him an idiot besides just travelling is not every thing in life. yup he doesn't take care for u or may b yr grades but then he thinks that u r quite smart yr self in this. besides that y not do some thing n achieving life n take him for a holiday. don't be dependent on him. come on think hard moreover y u expect every thing from them...u r 17 think what u really have done for them.<br><b>References : </b><br> its not necessary that every one have same sets of interest. you n yr dad must have opposite sets of interest so may b u both r not comfortable with each other. so stop calling him an idiot besides just travelling is not every thing in life. yup he doesn’t take care for u or may b yr grades but then he thinks that u r quite smart yr self in this. besides that y not do some thing n achieving life n take him for a holiday. don’t be dependent on him. come on think hard moreover y u expect every thing from them…u r 17 think what u really have done for them.
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]]> By: Don't Know http://ilovethewashingtoncoast.com/washington-coast-vacations/i-dont-know-what-to-do-about-my-parents-and-me#comment-1655 Don't Know Mon, 15 Feb 2010 03:56:12 +0000 http://ilovethewashingtoncoast.com/washington-coast-vacations/i-dont-know-what-to-do-about-my-parents-and-me#comment-1655 Sorry to hear about. Unfortunately most people normally complain about their lives when growing up. But, upon hitting the road to glory you realize how fond these angst memories will be when life gets through with you. Have you ever asked your parents how they felt when growing up? You never know. You may have more in common then what you think. You can take care of yourself. It may be more stimulating for yourself to man up and stop blaming them.<br><b>References : </b><br> Sorry to hear about. Unfortunately most people normally complain about their lives when growing up. But, upon hitting the road to glory you realize how fond these angst memories will be when life gets through with you. Have you ever asked your parents how they felt when growing up? You never know. You may have more in common then what you think. You can take care of yourself. It may be more stimulating for yourself to man up and stop blaming them.
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